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Showing posts from 2015

Perception, Perspective, Point of View, Frame of Reference, Mindset, etc.

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As I continue working with couples, parents and children, families, etc., it is becoming very clear that perspective can be a major point of distress.  In couples counseling, a number one issue I continue to notice, is one partner not understanding the other's point of view and assuming that their own understanding is the true and correct answer.  This leads to conflict, and one person feeling defensive, because they are being told that they are wrong, and that their point of view is inaccurate, invalid, unimportant, etc.  This same dynamic can be seen within families.  For example, a child is trying to explain why they unloaded the dishwasher in a different way than their parent prefers, and the parent discounts the child's views, automatically telling them they are wrong.  This leaves the child feeling defensive, confused, invalidated, and unheard.  
So how do we work to improve this disconnect in perspective?  One exercise I use often in therapy, is  reflecting, or having …

Feet On The Bed Time

My passion is working with adolescents but I also work with adults and a common struggle I have heard is never having down time due to the constant needs of family. Having kids and a family can be wonderful but it can also be very draining if you are not getting the rest you need. When kids don't get enough down time they can become cranky, overtired, and generally difficult to handle. When adults don't get enough rest, patience is more difficult, stress levels rise, and managing even simple tasks can be a chore. There are many ways that this can be addressed but my favorite way and a fairly effective intervention is implementing feet on the bed time in your household.

Feet on the bed time is exactly what it sounds like. It is a given period of time each day during which your feet must be on your bed (and preferably the rest of you). Each family member is to be on their own bed for whatever amount of time you decide engaging in a quiet activity or napping. Obviou…

An Empty Cup Cannot Fill Another.

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Do you constantly worry about the needs of others?  Are you so flexible with your schedule that it leaves you with absolutely no free time? Do you constantly feel like you are running from one place to the other with no breaks? Do you skip breakfast because you are too busy to eat?  Are you sacrificing everything for your friends, family, job, education, etc.? If so, it is time to learn what the word "self-care" means.  
Self care is defined as "care for oneself" (Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, n.d.).  That seems simple enough, however, after considering all of the examples above, are you really doing a good job of taking care of yourself?  
Self-care is also defined by what you consider to be important for your own well-being. This can be broken down into basic areas of concern. The following chart is a great representation of some of the various aspects of self-care.  

So after looking through those aspects of self-care, how are you doing?  
Are you truly takin…